Tag Archives: the struggle within

The power of me vs the power of you

Some days it feels like

The power of me

Verses the power of you

Yet you are on my side

Always on my side

When I want to quit

When I feel too tired to carry on

You are the coach pushing me to keep going

When I feel that I can’t do it

When I tell you that I don’t have enough

You pick me up

You tell me that I am loved

That I am light

Even when I turn to my lifelong comfort

You use that to let me know that you care for me

I know that you don’t bring the suffering

But you do use it for sanctification

I pray for a break from suffering

I beg for a period of peace

I am at the end of my rope, hanging on

Yet I know, without a second of a doubt

That you are holding the rope

That I will be fine

Because you love me, I know because you told me so

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Give me strength

Alright, you win
You were right
I don’t have it in me
These stupid mfers
With their incomprehensible
Idiocy
Have broken me

I can’t take it
I want to hurt them
I want break them
I want to break something
I want to explode
An atom bomb of venom
Show the world my frustration & my wrath

Such unspeakable anger
Overflowing frustration
These are not words of life
These are not words that heal
How do I learn to deal with frustrations
Without burying them
In a way that keeps me healthy?
The bright light is flickering today
The light is trying to hide

The sad thing is
I want to go along with it
I want to hide
But I will not
I have come to far to go back there now
For now …
My resolve is weakening

Give me strength
Give me help
We both know I cannot do this alone
Why must I continue to face the same test
Over and over?
Regardless of my response?
Surely there has to be another way?

Thank you Lord

As you speak faith over fear

As you seek fellowship over isolation

As you realize not only are you not alone

But you were never alone

As you come to know

That your significance is felt

In the response of those who love you

You slowly begin to win the battle

You begin to claim victory

Over the attack you have been under

All that is left is to wonder

Why does it take so long for these things to sink in?

And most of all to simply say

Thank you Lord

 

 

I Am the Moon

Do you want to see my anger?

Do you want to feel my rage?

You have no idea the power it takes

to control & shackle the death that once raged

The secret to that power, is that it is not mine

Would you like to see a collection of words?

Perfectly positioned letters

that could shock even the ugliest of souls?

No more, no longer

I am not the author of such things

Indeed, I never was

I am simply a mirror, I am a reflector

Surrounded by swirling darkness

That was all there was to transmit

Yet even in the darkness,

The discovery of truth is possible

There is a power greater than death

There is a power brighter than the dark

That power now I wield

In all it’s might & majesty

No more death, no more dark

I am the light bringer

I am the moon

Reflecting His bright glory

Into the darkest of nights

In His power, for His glory

My purpose & destiny secured

A sinner’s prayer

Does the light remove the dark or simply cover it up?

Impossible questions answered by dreams unable to be understood

What is this impossible battle?

The war of invisibility

You didn’t promise it would be easy or comfortable

Only the truth

 

But what of this enemy, the silent whisperer in the ear

Feel the world, give in to desire, taste what is on offer

Like a recovered addict sensing the calls of old

Give in or stand up?

Stand up for what? Is this not an impossible fantasy of things that simply cannot be?

Or is it true, that power beyond comprehension was given?

Is it fear of not feeling the desires answered?

Or is it fear of what might be possible if the true power is grasped?

Is the dream from another realm true, can it enter this realm & change the universe?

Who am I, what am I to understand?

Why must I face these battles & struggles?

Was I chosen for this or is this just the way it is?

 

Why didn’t I just take the blue pill? Ignorance was simpler

Ignorance was empty

Truth, struggle, pain, it is real & worthy?

I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t know it would be this hard

Sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode

Sometimes I feel like I need to explode

Cut the world to shreds with my tongue

I know I shouldn’t, but it would be so easy to free the beast

 

Yet, even if I go there, you are there with me

Always ready to pick me up & clean me off

Your love cannot be exhausted

I don’t understand why you can’t just change what’s inside

I cannot comprehend how much you have changed what’s inside

It’s all so confusing

I can’t do this, I never could, I was never worthy

Yet you saw so much more than I could ever see

You see the oak tree, not the acorn

Where to go, what to do, how to be

Talk to me Lord, show me the way, please, give me the message

I don’t believe I was made simply to survive

What would you have me do?