Monthly Archives: February 2015

What do you want from life?

What do you want from life? That great question that seems so important, we are forever asking it of ourselves & of others, just as they ask it from us. It also begs the question, what are you willing to want? You see it’s no use to call a fantasy a dream. If you’re not prepared to “go for it”, do you really want it? Is it a dream or a goal? Or is it just a fantasy, a what if, you know, if thing were different.

You hear all the time how we should dream big, do big, go big etc etc. We all to some extent want that, I cannot deny it, but do we really? Do I really, want it? There are hassles that come with big, hassles that I personally don’t want to deal with right now. I’m not just talking rich & famous rock start or actor big. Going big is different for everyone, maybe its volunteer of the year, maybe its super career guy, maybe it’s to be the fastest growing independent blogging type person. All these things, that if done right, in balance & perspective, can be very good things. Yet if you step back, you have to ask yourself if you really want it. Sometimes when you look at the big picture, in a way, the risk of success is almost more frightening that the risk of failure.

Go big, do this, dream that, humph, is it wrong to just want to love, play music & games, to travel & generally just be happy & not stressed? I’m not an evangelist preacher, an entrepreneur or an inventor, I’m just a dude. I’m pretty awesome, but I’m still just a guy from the world’s perspective & I’m ok with that, for now at least 😉 This could all change at any moment, I know this, I get it & I think I kind of like it. Big can take a hike, or at least wait a good while, the only thing in life I really want to avoid in life is being bored.

What do you want from life? Maybe that question is not the point, maybe that question just places the focus on yourself too much to figure out what life is really all about? Maybe that’s just me though, thinking life is better when you make it more about others than yourself, not that it’s easy, I just know that when I get it right, it is the best of life to me. Or maybe at the very least, you have to ask that question based on what you were designed to be, not what the world or the media thinks it should tell you. Find what works for you, in whatever season you are in & camp there a while, just don’t get bored. So, what do you want from life?

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Dancing on the Precipice

Dancing on the precipice

Focus lost, goals forgotten

In the midst of bliss

A mountain plateau has become a home

 

Time to resist? Refocus?

Is it necessary?

What about staying here?

Stagnation threatens to take hold

 

A look down the mountain reveals the slope, almost appealing

You could ski down, like dancing

However the slope never ends and

You just spent all this time and effort climbing it

 

By hook or by crook, or so they say

The journey must renew

No more dancing in place, it is time to climb

Oh, but the dance is so comfortable ……

 

2 Years!!!

The craziest thing happened yesterday I got a notification on the WordPress app that my blog IMG_1572has now been up for 2 years. 2 years! From a guy that thought he had nothing to say. It has been quite the ride, a lot has happened in the last 2 years, I have changed a lot & this, my little piece of the internet has been a big part of it. When I started writing here I was coming into a season of awakening. I had gone through a lot of healing in the years leading up to this season and it was now a time to learn what exactly it meant to be me. Through poetry, essays, music & rambling processing my thoughts, emotions & imagination has been wonderfully enjoyable & thraputic.

2 years on, I have healed even more, I’m an ever changing & evolving being. The thing that I most enjoy about today though is I am simply me. I no longer feel a need to try to fit in or pretend I am something other than who I am, I am me, faults & all. One of the challenges at the moment of living in this new place is simply getting used to it. I no longer feel the lingering, lurking threat of depression wanting to return. I no longer expect something to go wrong at any time, I no longer have this underlying anger waiting to surface. I am good, I am loving living life, I am content (in a good way), I am happy. The funny thing is that nothing much has changed externally, yet internally everything has changed, call it a miracle if you like, I am & will always be grateful to Jesus Christ for what He has done in me & where He has brought me to personally.

Unhiddenlight will continue, rest assured (I’m sure you were all worried & stuff) I would imagine it will be much more like year 2 than year 1 though. There will be seasons of much content when I am creatively inspired & lulls when I am not so inspired, or simply too busy.

One of the most enjoyable things I have been able to do in recent memory is coach my daughters soccer team in the fall. Unfortunately that took a lot of time & energy which resulted in a fall off here. Add to that I started playing soccer again in addition to my other extra-curricular activities & my writing has taken a back seat. I probably need to make a commitment to some kind of writing schedule. Not that writing here is mandatory, yet my life & my mind seem to work better when I am exercising my thoughts for something other than work & sports. So lets call that a note to self, plan to write!

Another good thing (to me at least) is that I recently rediscovered the joy of gaming. I have spent an inordinate amount of time playing  Destiny (as expected), I have reconnected with some long time gaming friends though it & made some fun new friends too. One of my favorite hobbies, my “me time” has become truly enjoyable again, it has gone from stale to completely fresh. Instead of something I was just doing to chat with a few friends it has been a nightly event of fun & laughter, the way it should be.

One of my hopes when I first started my blog was that I might start song writing again, that has happened, I penned several songs this last year, some good, some just good practice. Getting around to recording & sharing them is unfortunately once again going painfully slowly. The down / up side of it being a hobby is that I only do it when I am really in the mood. I’m often in the mood to make music, not so much to record it & deal with all the intricacies of making it work as well as possible.

So here we are, my first “real” post in a while, not that my poetry does not count, but you know what I mean, 2 years in, 348 posts, 414 WordPress followers – thank you so much for all your support & for your friendship! I truly appreciate every single one of you!!!