I envy your bravery
The willingness to try
Regardless of the consequences
Yet, I wonder if you had become comfortable
Like I have
If you would still have made the leap
Or would you freeze
Not to rock the boat
Not to face the risk
I wonder and strangely fear
If that will end up
My biggest cross to bear
This one came to me whilst watching the Austin episode of Sonic Highways (if you’re not watching that series you are missing out). The artists were discussing Townes Van Zandt and how he could / should have made a lot more money in his career but he didn’t care, it was never about money for him. He had made his mind up that he was going to but an artist no matter what. I love that attitude, I’d like to think that is the attitude I would have if I had gone down that path for a profession.
Of course the old thought came to me, why didn’t I have that mindset when I was at the right age? Geography, circumstances, damaged mental goods – these are all true. Would I quit my job today to pursue a music career? Honestly, I don’t think I would, I mean if something crazy were to happen then sure, but to give up the security & the life that I have worked so hard for over the past 20 years to play smoky bars is just not for me. The desire for that life is nowhere near as strong in me today as it was two decades ago when fear & naivety held more control than mere fate. Today I just like to make music for the love of music, there is no pressure that way, other than trying to make myself happy. The only downside is I have to fit it in, instead of it being all day every day.
Yet, I still wonder what if sometimes, don’t we all?