Monthly Archives: February 2013

Dreams

When I was a child
I used to dream a lot
Dream in my sleep
Dream in my wake

I used to dream big
I dreamt beyond my talents
I dreamt of things that seems beyond imagination
I dreamt of many ways to fly

The world told me I had no right to my dreams
I was not allowed to dream for so much
You should not dream a dream so big
So my dreams died

What of me now?
I dream no more
Not in my wake and not in my sleep
My dreams are dead or so it seems

What though if dreams do not really die?
What if a dream simply hibernates?
What if I could learn to dream again?
What if I was really allowed to dream?

What would that look like?
Where will I fly?
What will I be?
Where will I go?

What are dreams made of?
Where do they come from?
Where do they take you?
Dream a little dream for me.

Idealistic claptrap?

I friend recently shared this video on facebook, I usually ignore such things but I decided to watch this one. I liked what I saw so I shared it also. What struck me were the different responses to the video. There seem to be 2 camps, 1 that think it is beautiful & something that needs to be said. The other camp is that it is nothing but idealistic claptrap & while nice completely unrealistic.

The responses that thought it was beautiful came from friends that I would consider to be artistically creative people, the folks who thought it was silly I do not think of in this way.

I find that interesting, while obviously it is an idealistic way to think on life, it is aimed at kids getting ready to leave school. Kids who have the opportunity to mold & build their life any way they would like. It is a message I try to deliver to my young daughter frequently, that she can be anything she wants to be. If she winds up working a regular job in an office for her entire career, I want it to be because she chose that, not because it just happens.

For someone like myself, yes sure I could quit everything to follow my true passions (whatever they are), however I won’t because one of my truest passions is my family & honoring the commitments I have made to them

Maybe it is just the artists dream, to live a life of fulfillment rather than obligation. I don’t know, I really don’t know where I was going with this either, so here is the video, decide for yourself.

Facebook, WordPress & the Thinker

A strange thought just crossed my mind; this is supposed to be a place for me to think so I decided to write about it. Speaking of which, I need to be conscious about writing thoughts here, at least as much as poetic ramblings, this is supposed to be one man’s journey toward conscious thought, not one man’s unexpected transformation into a poet. While the two are certainly not mutually exclusive, I feel in a way that the excitement of random people discovering & then clicking like on my poetic ramblings has in a way made me push more towards discovering my inner poet rather than my inner thinker. Again they are not exclusive but, well I’m rambling, but I want to make sure I am using my thinker.

So anyway, the thought – Facebook. We all know it, most of us use it, I recall a time when I used to enjoy it. What happened to it? Is it just me or has it become a bastion of all that is wrong with the internet (and society in general)?

Sure it is still a useful way to keep in touch with friends & family who are a long way away, or to share some seemingly important moment in your day. It’s a great way to pretend that you still have a relationship with someone you barely knew in high school and don’t feel right about “unfriending”.

To me it seems more & more that it is becoming like the vast mess of we message boards out there, a haven for keyboard warriors. Those who have an opinion that is the only possible opinion in the universe & everyone else is wrong & it is their mission to forcefully impose those options on you. It’s become a place for political nonsense & bigoted self-righteousness & I’m starting to wonder if the only reason I use it now is because it’s a habit that I would have a hard time giving up.

Maybe I’m just overly drawn in by this new blogging world I have entered, people who connect not through previous physical contact but by a shared interest in something. I’m sure there are bigots & idiots on here too, fortunately I’ve not been here long enough to find them yet. There is something so much deeper about a blog post, than a hey look at this picture with a silly caption. I like that depth, I feel it is helping me on my journey.

I wonder what the cyber-world would be like if everyone decided to take the time to think through their thoughts & share them openly & be available to rationally discuss them. Of course that’s just my ideology & not everyone else’s desire. So I shall just enjoy using my thinker & finding other people doing likewise & enjoy their thinkers too.

Going back to the first sentence, there is nothing really strange about this thought is there? Other than it was a thought & such things have historically been strangers to me J

The Desire For Depth

Once you decide to look deeper
There is no turning back
Like a hole in a dam
Water starts to rush through

You can’t unlearn
You can’t un-see
You can’t un-experience
The soul has been awakened

You have to embrace it
For all its difficulties
The option to give up is not there
The spirit will push you forward

Because the desire for depth has been born
If you don’t feed it
It will consume you
So feed it & live in freedom, with depth

Responsibility

Responsibility; such a conflict of emotions

Responsibility; can feel like a punishment

Responsibility; can feel like a chore

Responsibility; can feel like shackles that are holding you back

 

Responsibility; can feel like a privilege

Responsibility; a great entrustment

Responsibility; can feel like a why instead of a must

Responsibility; will build your character like nothing else

 

Responsibility; it’s all in how you see it

Responsibility; it’s all in how you feel it

Responsibility; it’s how you react to it

Responsibility, it’s such a responsibility

Family

If what I believe is the thing that most defines who I am today, family is what defines my why. When I say family I am talking about 2 people, my wife & my daughter. I have a lot of family spread over the globe & I love them all, but my family is my wife & my kid.

The deep love we share gives life meaning & purpose. When I am at my job spending countless hours being stressed & doing things other than what I would like to be doing, all I need to do is think of my girls & the sacrifice is well worth it. I think what I am trying to say is that they make responsibility feel like a privilege rather than shackles.

I’m not perfect as a husband or dad, I don’t always do a good job of showing my love, but I try my best & I like to think I do a pretty good job.

My wife is a very special woman. She is fun, caring, inquisitive, a great conversationalist & the most amazing cook I’ve ever met. I left my home, country, family, friends & everything I know to be with here. There is not one iota of regret in that decision, I would make that leap of faith a thousand times over.

My daughter, I know I’m biased, but she has the potential to be the most beautiful person. I’m not talking externally, although she is, I’m talking about as a person. She has the most loving, caring sensitive heart. I feel such great responsibility to help her grow, to protect her as best I can from this messed up world & to provide her with as many opportunities to experience life & the world as possible. She has the most wonderful sparkle in her eyes; I pray she never loses that.

So there it is, another reason I need to stay conscious in my thoughts, when I do it is easy to remember why I am doing what I am doing & life is a much better thing.

What do I believe?

What do I believe?
This seems like a strange question to ask of myself. My beliefs are firm & unshakable (trust me I’ve tried), yet there are things I need to ask myself about within that.

I believe God is real, I believe the bible is true, I believe Jesus of Nazareth is the Christ. I believe Jesus died on the cross & paid the price for the sins of mankind, I believe 3 days later he was raised from the dead & conquered death, I believe that we are saved by grace by confessing ours sins & believing in Jesus. So all in all, that would make me a Christian.

I could & possibly should just stop there & move on. However, the label of Christian is one that I have subconsciously been uncomfortable with over the last 8 years since I began my walk. Why is that when it is clearly what I am? I think it comes from the perceptions & hang-ups & had about a religion that I learned to despise in my formative years.

There are 2 things that deep down I think concern(ed) me. 1st is authenticity, there are some many people in the church at large, leaders & congregation that are simply going through the motions. Even worse they are faking it at church, they put on a happy smiley face & pretend everything is ok but inside they are a broken mess & their lives are falling apart. Instead of dealing with their issues in what should be the safest place in the world to do that they hide from them.

The 2nd issue is masculinity, when I think (thought) of a Christian man, I honestly thought of a complete wuss. A wimpy middle aged white guy wearing a cardigan, following a wimpy white hippy version of Jesus. This is not the man I am & not the Jesus I know, so I would describe myself differently, not as a Christian but as a believer or follower of Jesus Christ, a Holy Spiritualist etc. There is a big problem with men not being men in church these days, this is one of the things my band of brothers are studying & learning to deal with this year.

The thing is, I am a Christian, I try my level best to be authentic & transparent & I am a real man. I am not some watered down you have to be meek & mild guy, that is not who Jesus was either. He was strong, a great leader & the most wonderful wordsmith ever. So as I go through this journey I am going to try to wear my “label” of Christian proudly, to be an example, with my brothers, to other guys. The church needs men to step up & be men, I will not shirk that calling or that responsibility.

Wow, this has taken a different turn than what I had been deliberating & delaying over writing this week. You see, since I decided to dive into the main aspects of my life, I knew this was the 1st one I needed to do. The thought of why are you doing it, what if people reject it, why put it on your blog etc. These negative thoughts have been attacking me. These thoughts do not come from me, they are the devil at work. That brings me to something that I need to be honest with.

I believe the bible is true, however I believe human interpretation of it is inherently flawed because it is being done by humans – see the people who want me to believe the earth is 6000 years old, It’s not I am well aware of that. I do believe God created evolution, in his own sweet time. The infinite God who is outside of time & space does not measure things using the earth’s clocks.

Anyway, if I believe the bible is true, then I also have to accept something are true that I don’t necessarily like. Such as the devil, demons & real evil, I’m not necessarily good with that, but it is what it is. These are things I cannot hide from because that is exactly where the father of lies wants to get me. There are other aspects of the bible I struggle with, especially the old testament. I am not good with genocide, on any level. I love that as a society, the world at large no longer things of genocide as socially acceptable. Think about it, only a few hundred years ago it was ok to wipe out entire nations for your own cause. Today the world won’t stand for it, we might move slowly with all the political BS, but at least the world moves to take action now, instead of almost applauding & saying well done like in centuries gone by.

Anyway, these are my beliefs & they stand me well. Now if you have read this far, thank you, if you have different beliefs than me, I wonder if you are asking the same things I have asked of myself. Such as, what makes you so sure? What if you’re wrong?

I suppose that is where faith comes into the picture. I am quite sure that there are people from other religions, probably all religions, atheists & whatever else, that have had their life profoundly affected by their beliefs similarly to how I have. I accept that it is entirely possible that I am wrong. The thing is, I don’t believe because of the promise of eternal life or heaven or any of the life after death stuff. If that is true (and I believe it is) then for me that is the bonus. For me this is all about life before death. My life is infinity better with Jesus at the center of it that it is without; I know I’ve tried it both ways. So I respect everyone’s right to their own beliefs. I won’t try to force my beliefs on anyone else but I am willing to share with those who are interested. Hopefully my light will shine well enough that that people see the Jesus in me & make their choice to investigate. I love people regardless of race of religion etc. it is absolutely not my place to judge.

For me though, I will believe & I will walk the walk & talk the talk, because at this stage in my life, if there is one single thing that defines who I am, it is that I am a saved believer, I have a personal relationship with the creator of the universe, I am the adopted brother of Jesus Christ (one of many) & I have no shame in that. I will spend the rest of my life working with Him to become what He already sees in me & has since the day I invited him into my life.

I leave you with this, the author is unknown but the story is that it was written by a young African man who was martyred after refusing to renounce his faith:

The fellowship of the unashamed

I’m a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of His and I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I’m done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear.

I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won’t give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He’ll have no problems recognizing me. My colors will be clear!